Ways to have fun with words and/or annoy people

"QUANTUM SHOT" #33


Increase Your Vocabulary
(for better or for worse!)

Here is a miniature collection of links that caught my eye recently, concerning the language and the behavioral patterns:
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Wikipedia pubished the totally unique list of
FICTIONAL EXPLETIVES.
I am not going to quote any here, go and see for yourself. It's priceless when engaging in flaming wars in digg comments, etc...
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One of the most hilarious sites on the Internet is Internerd. They have many cool posts, even a Quicktime VR panoramic view from Everest, which (they claim) they shot themselves. But pertaining to our topic, here is

A WAY TO SPEAK AUTHORITATIVELY - IN LATIN
Learn some of these expressions, which they have handy for just about any possible circumstance. Examples:

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Sona si Latine loqueris. - Honk if you speak Latin.
Vacca foeda - Stupid cow
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
- May barbarians invade your personal space!
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
- May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Radix lecti - Couch potato
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
- Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
- Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.
Fac ut vivas. - Get a life.
Ventis secundis, tene cursum. - Go with the flow.
(try to add some of that stuff to your email signatures... hee hee)
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If learning some Latin is a bit tough, you can learn more English words, and impress people that way.
On that page is a strangely hilarious List of English GOOD WORDS. Some examples:

antepenultimate - the one before the penultimate
anthropophagous - Brings a whole new meaning to the epithet "bite me."
Borborygmy - medical term for that growling noise your tummy makes.
Callipygian - having shapely buttocks
circumambulate - It's good!! It's good! Say it! NOW! I found it in 6th grade. It means to wander around.
Glom - To eat quickly or hog.
Heresy - Great to shout at the top of one's lungs (also, "blasphemy!" and "sacrilege!" are great, too.)
Merkin - A pubic wig... Also the given name of the US President in Dr Strangelove.
schleck - the beauty of it is that it's so multifunctional--"get the schleck out of my way," "what the schleck is that?". It can also mean kissing: "I saw them schlecking in a corner."
Transmogrify - to change or alter often with grotesque or humorous effect. My dad used to threaten us kids with this when we were playing up.
Valkyriosis - A condition brought by watching the entire "Ring Cycle" by Wagner over the course of a short period. Characteristic symptom: wearing winged helmets and shouting "Hoyotoho!".
umfaloscepsis - contemplating one's own belly button
vespertilian - of or pertaining to bats. It sounds sinister and rather sleek. And almost NOBODY knows what it means.
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Ultimately all this will only serve to annoy people. There are 248 more ways to do it, according to this site. Make sure you read the whole list here. This might be old news, but I still laugh when I read it. Some of my favorites:

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE:

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.

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