Office Geekgasm via USB

"QUANTUM SHOT" #501
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Cubicle Ambiance Enhanced and Boss Penetration Reduced

We've seen stationery with bite and other office gizmos designed to make your life bearable among the corporate sharks and "Bring Your Fish Friend" Bruce support groups of this world.

Axiom 1: "If your computer rocks, then your USB drive will rock also!" -

(image credit: Vladimir Sergeev)

If you are a computer hater, you can nail your USB flash drive into your laptop and be done with it:

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We all know that USB drives are becoming weirder and weirder, and soon will hit some kind of evolution dead end, where "normal" will once again be considered utterly cool:

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But this "thumb" drive is probably the coolest:

(image via, and how to make it)

Outside of flash drives... you think the ultimate office USB device is the stock standard coffee cup warmer? Au contraire, mon frere. First off, you can get units that will both heat and cool your beverage, but why stop there? Here is a USB-powered mini-grill that you can buy (on the left) - but why buy, when you can simply connect 6 PCI USB cards with 30 USB cables to a hacked USB cup warmer and you'll get your own USB grill? (on the right)

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Perhaps more practical is the way to heat or cool your fingers while you type (from Thanko, Japan):

Heat-or-Cool Keyboard from Thanko

OK... but we know that you always wanted to keep your eyes warm... you were sitting there thinking "Gosh, my eyes are cold, why don't I warm them? I NEED to warm them" -

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Faux Feng Shui, and Other Geeky Delights

All that, however, is but the tiniest tippy top of the strange wonderfulness of office USB gadgetry. Whether you labor for filthy lucre or wonder off to the web to search for online accredited degrees (which is a time better spent than staring at the endless flow of funny pictures), you might as well build comfortable environment around yourself and add some ambiance to your cubicle.

First, ensure your safety with the authentic police flashing siren on your desktop.... "Reports?.. What Reports? STEP AWAY FROM THE DESK!!!" (... put your hands against cubicle wall, etc.) -

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Something more simple, as hitting a "Panic Button" will also do the trick:

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When this commotion is over, relax with the Flower Pod Speaker. Channel your tunes through a pot filled with a speaker and fake sphagnum moss (with that neon plastic orchid thing sticking out) and guess what atrocious sound quality it might produce...

(image credit: Thanko)

It will look especially lovely sitting next to your USB Aroma Generator - a sort of "a nose with feet" creating odoriferous ambiance to shoo the boss away from your desk?

(Thanko aroma generator Audiocubes and USB aroma radio LED lamp, by )

Still not feeling very comfortable? -

How about a distraction? Start launching rockets at your co-workers from your very own tiny USB rocket launcher:

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How about USB Massage Ball? Not so sure about this one. However the USB finger massage (on the right, available here) looks promising:

(images credit: everythingusb and Geek Alerts)

With music, faux feng shui and air freshening covered, move on to the USB Air-Conditioned Shirt from Kuchofuku -

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or the USB Butt Cooler to get on top of climate control. No translation out of Japanese for the Butt Cooler specs, but it appears to be a chair pad outfitted with a fan that channels cool air up through your shorts. Woo hoo!

(image credit: Thanko)

Then there are the "USB Mobile Ventilators", that want to rip into your neck and tear it to shreds:

(image credit: Thomas W.)

How can you not know when lunch time or happy hour arrives? But in case you do forget, Usb.brando.com makes a USB Blender Alarm Clock. (Okay, it doesn't really make margaritas for you. It just bounces a bunch of little balls around to make you think it's mixing stuff, but hey, it's gonna look great on your desk and you can set the alarm to go off promptly at five.)

(image credit: Usb.brando.com)

Speaking of Happy Hours... This is not USB-powered, this is full desktop-powered beer-filled piece of awesomeness that no office should be without:

Not a beer fan, but a wine connoisseur instead? Check this out, then:

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These are the Ethernet wedding rings, but I am sure you can get ones made out of USB:

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Once the wedding is out of the way, a true geek should use this device: USB Home Pregnancy Test -

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USB Hub Octopus would make your office look pretty cool and artsy, but stay away from its creeping tentacles... "It's teething" -

(images by Lacie and Patch Adams)

At least your cat would not touch USB octopus, and not ruin your drive:

(image credit: Andreas Haase)

Speaking of USB hubs, here is a cool-looking chrome motorbike engine hub (more info and video) -

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...and this experimental-looking thing is 31 USB ports put together as one mega hub. See how you like that -

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Or copy 60 USB flash drives at once... for some crazy reason (more info)

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A more constructive gadget (really the only one we're giving the constructive nod to at the moment), is the Visomate USB Vision and Posture Monitor, a sensor that sits on top of your monitor and beeps and flashes at you if you're sitting too close to the computer. Blue light means posture is good to go, red means you're too close.

(image credit: Usb.brando.com)

You can actually make a case for usefulness on this one, along with the USB Heated Gloves from perpetualkid.com. (Heat is a good therapy for carpal tunnel syndrome.)

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But the ultimate USB office gadget? Hands down, the USB Disco Ball (from Drink Stuff) and a pole dancer on the side. Let it be known the party is in your cubicle. Bring your own beverage warmer and no pouring the punch in the Flower Pod.