Humour Digest, Part 1

"QUANTUM SHOT" #130


Good Laughs from various sources

Fun with Paper Money Faces

This site has a cool way to kill some time - folding paper money (you provide the bill):





check out their page for more examples. Apparently you can fold the money in a cheerful way when you are buying something nice, and a "grumpy way" when you are paying the bills, or taxes.

...or paying for damages from this incident:


(image credit: Frank Uyttenhove)

Darn kids! some of them are contemplating unmentionable, daring feats:



and some of them are already using daring words:



you think your kid's life is simple and uncomplicated? How about jealosy:



...as they grow up they start to see certain objects everywhere:





and when they turn adults, one just hopes they will be nice to the elderly:



They should meet the life's challenges with stoicism, unperturbed:

Emotions of Chuck Norris


Speaking of venerable Chuck Norris -
- "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
- "Chuck Norris sleeps (waits) with night light not because he's afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris"
He's got a few buddies in his "hyper-emotional" club:


source

Putin

source
copyright: João Pedro de Magalhães

Some people have stunted emotions, and some have stunted language skills.
Witness WORST SENTENCES FROM SCIENCE FICTION!

Found here a small, but hilarious collection. Some of the gems:

"She was a tentacled Squid and I was a horny Toad, but our species didn’t matter. We married and soon there were little horny suckers running all over the place."

or

"Frank watched the mushroom cloud spread across the horizon with annoyance, knowing that this meant more weeks of disruption to regular cross-Manhattan train service while the debris was cleared."

I am not going to spoil the winner; go read for yourself.

Certainly, some training in better communication is beneficial for everyone, for example
"How to Argue Effectively":

USE MEANINGLESS BUT WEIGHTY-SOUNDING WORDS AND PHRASES

"Suppose you want to say,"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:

"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-à-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement."

USE SNAPPY AND IRRELEVANT COMEBACKS

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?

For the best argument of all, read the original page.

Still, English is a crazy language. Here is a classic proof.

Your language skills may get impaired for other reasons:

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

* Indubitably
* Innovative
* Preliminary
* Proliferation
* Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

* Specificity
* British Constitution
* Passive-aggressive disorder
* Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

* Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
* Nope, no more beer for me.
* Sorry, but you're not really my type.
* Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
* Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.



For your own safety please carefully read this article:
"Why the ugly girl is pretty when you're drunk"
- It even provides a scientific formula "BEER GOGGLE EFFECT"

So what's the secret to raising great kids?
- always, ALWAYS give them enough Chupa-Chups, to avoid emotional trauma:







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